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Friday, July 31, 2009
im sorry for being selfish to you. im sorry for saying things that hurt you. im sorry for not being able to be a good bf im sorry i let you feel that im like him. im sorry... Monday, July 20, 2009 Happy 3 months to my baby. I'm so glad to be yours, and so glad you're mine. I love you baby! 3 more quarters to go for our 1year anniversary. Please love me forever my dear, because i'm gonna love you forever! Friday, July 17, 2009 I think i am very selfish. Why must i be like this? Why can't i just make her smile all the time? Why can't i make her happy all the time? Fuck myself...... Tuesday, July 14, 2009 After lying down on my bed and think for awhile, there is no point for being dishearten. If i fail my own expectation, it means i failed. Instead of asking why this happen, i should find out why and make sure this won't happen on my end of semester exam. C grade is too much for me too handle. I am not being cocky, it is just an expectation for myself. Is either A or B, that's my expectation since higher-nitec. If i can make it here, i am sure i can proceed further. I am proud to be in SP. Even though i wasted many years, it is still a dream to be in SP because my role-model (my sister) was once a SP student. I once failed everyone in the family, i skipped school. I turn from good to bad and bad to worst. I fail my O levels. From 7A's to D, E, F. I started smoking. I appeared in clubs and disco more than appearing at home. Was indirectly being pushed to serve my NS by my brother even though i wanted to study for my higher nitec back then(but the fact i wanted to study was because i do not wish to go for NS yet). My life did change so as my thinking. I think it is true that serving NS do help a boy to think more like an adult. I realized my past mistakes, i told myself i should change. After completing NS, i make myself to work. After working awhile, i realized that it is not the life i wanted for myself. I know i worth much more than working at a F&B outlet. I wanna make changes to my life and this is how i ended up studying at Dover ITE. I am glad my brother stop me from going ITE when i was 18. If he hadn't done that, i am sure i would flunk my higher-nitec and disappoint them like how i disappoint them during O levels. And another thing is, i wouldn't have met great friends like hui shan. I really felt that shan is one of the best friend i've known through out my 2years in Dover. Another person is no one else but my baby girl. If everything is pre-destinated, i am sure this is part of my destiny. So far, she is my best girl among all the girls i've ever dated. I don't mean to compare but this is true, and i do mean it from my heart. "Baby, you're my heart, you're my soul." I manage to fulfill my own expectation and do very well for my higher-nitec. I may not be the best, but i still do better than normal. I manage to graduate successfully with an official higher-nitec certificate in IT together with a certificate of merit. Right now, i am on another stage of my studies. Most probably my last stage in full-time studies. I will advance for sure, but it will no longer be full-time. I told myself a moment ago, i shouldn't back down. I know i can do it. Nothing is gonna beat me no matter how many times i am going to fail my own expectation. Even i get a C for economics this time, i will make sure i won't let it happen again. And my own expectation will still remain at A. Thanks baby for cheering me up. and baby is coming over to have dinner with me and will be staying over. GONNA HAVE A FEAST TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's been about 2 weeks since i last post an entry. School has started, did not have the mood nor time to blog. Gonna recap a bit on what had happen since my last post. Last week Resume my school life for my second term of the semester, life at school is still the same- same modules, same time table. On Wednesday, i got back my maths result. My result was 72% for it, but there was a question on our paper they did not mark, our tutor said he will clarify it and re-calculate our score during the next tutorial. If i got full mark for that question, my overall percentage will be around 78%, that will be a B+, still not so bad. On Friday, Kevin, Edwin and me were given a warning letter for 'Excessive Long Hair'. WTF right?? They did not even told us anything about hair and that deputy director straight issue us a warning letter for it. So, i went to cut my hair on that same day. It is kinda short now, look like a nerd, even my baby call me 'sa zi'. This week Got back my Accounting results this morning. The result was 89%. At least a A. Wasn't really happy because it is just only the beginning for Accounting as this is a year-long module instead of a semester. Got my DBMS result later on. Result was 92%, another A. I think i shouldn't had chosen finance informatics, i am still better on IT related modules. During the late noon, we got back our economics result as well. My result was 64%. It brought a great shock to me. I did not expect to score so low for econs. I felt quite confident at this topic, i was expecting at least 75% or more, but the fact doesn't show as such. I don't feel confident for nothing, usually when i am confident on something, i will do well or at least near well. I fail my own expectation even i did not fail the paper. I am pretty upset about it, i don't know what went wrong. I am sure my understand for it is there. I do understand what is going on during lectures and tutorial, but why did i score so low? I really don't know. I am supposedly to meet my baby after her work for dinner like usual, but right now i do not have the mood to go out. SIGH~~~~~~ Saturday, July 04, 2009 There is time when anyone could felt emotional for no reason. There is time when anyone could felt that him/her self is not up for something/anything. There is time when anyone felt anything but good. There is time when I felt all the above mentioned. It's 3.15am right now, couldn't sleep. Right now i am at the kitchen with my laptop instead of using PC in my room, reason being- i do not wanna disturb my tired girlfriend's sleep. Having a cup of self mixed mocha(i add milo with coffee) on my right, nothing beats the taste of coffee. And to be frank, there is cigarettes on my left(although baby doesn't like me smoking, i still couldn't fully quit it yet. I did have a great reduction of each day's need- down by at least 70%, but yet...i'm still a passive smoker). Right now, my mood ain't right. I'm feeling depressed, but over what reason- i don't really know. I just felt uncomfortable, right at my left chest area. Is not about me and my girl quarreling, both of us are fine. I'm able to control my temper once again. I gave in when i should and try to avoid arguments- especially over issues that are unimportant. Life is too short to waste so much time on fighting with each other. I should love her as much as possible with the given time i'm blessed with. I don't wanna regret not loving her if someday we happen to go separate ways. I'm not doubting our love, not doubting her nor doubting myself, but things are unpredictable. I wanna make this relationship the best for her and myself even if one day we were to be apart. *Baby, don't go thinking that i am unhappy with you or doubting you, i am not. I am just trying to speak in a all-possible way* Life is really harsh, especially for us Singaporeans. Although we are lucky to live in a safe country, but high living standard here is the price to pay for that safety. Due to overwhelming of overseas talent, salary/wages are declining over the past few decades. Things are getting more expensive as well over these years. Our spending power is in a down down condition. One of my sister was born in 79' , she graduated from SP at 99' and found her first job 2months later with a starting pay of $2.2k(back then $2.2k worth much more than the current $2.2k due to expenses increases over the years). What about now? I doubt any employer would pay a fresh diploma graduates so much. I understand these employer's stand, even if i were the employer, i wouldn't pay so much to increase my expenses. People who didn't try it won't understand what i am saying. I used to talk a lot about this back then to SHELLYs and to my girl, although they believe what i told them, but i am sure they are wondering at heart how true could it be. Right now, my girl has started embarking her life as a full-time employee, although she just started for few days, i am very sure she finally feel every word i've said back then- am i right,baby? I am not saying i am a very experienced man, nor trying to tell you how great i am. Compared myself to some of my close friends, i am much lazier. Eric work and study part-time, and he do well in his studies. I respected him, all the time. He is very hardworking and positive. I got to admit that a lot of my thinkings come from him. It may be true that money ain't everything, but i can tell you that, money is ALMOST every damn thing- as close to 99%. That's the fact you gotta face, stop telling me that money can't buy you love. Yes, it is true that money can't buy love. Let me ask you this, so what if you have love alone but have no money?? The 2 of you eat grass daily? If this is how you wanna compare money with love, this is how i'm gonna counter you with my thoughts. Even being loved by someone you love, you need money to sustain yourself, pleasure yourself. Someone can tell you they don't mind being poor but if they are happy. How can you be happy when you are poor? The defination of poor is not being able to eat as much as you want, not being able to go online and view this blog because you can't afford a desktop or laptop, not being able to feed your children(imagine you are married with kids). So can you be happy? I am a very practical person. I put wealth as first place in my life. Even though my girl will read what i am blogging, she would understand how i feel, because i am like this since the day she knew me a year ago. I am sure she believe in me, even though i put wealth before her in my life, that doesn't mean i would betray our love for money. Life is about making choices, making the right choice for oneself. It is 4am already, my mood is getting better compared to just now. "To my baby: Being with you is the best occurance that had occurred in my life. Even though at times, i do admit i felt insecured, that doesn't mean i doubted you or your love. I trust you, i really do. Just that, when things are getting so nice with you, i would felt afraid of losing it. Is not about you, is about my own shadows. Believe me that you are doing it right for me, you got me so addicted to you. It's been 74days with you, and we hadn't stop seeing each other for a day, but i am still so attracted to you. Back then when i am wooing you, you were my wants. After i got you, you became my needs. I need you baby. I love you. Lamb chop." Think is time for me to sleep. Good night to all. Thursday, July 02, 2009 This morning, i had my economics mid sem test, it was kinda easy but i didn't fully complete my last question. I always felt that the time is too short for econs test. They expect big long detailed answer yet giving us so little time for it... There are 2 sections, section A consists of 15MCQ and section B consists of 2 'short' answer questions. I took about 15mins for MCQ, i did a time check when i am starting my section B. When i was writing the last part of Qn.1 from section, the invigilator announced- '15mins left!'. Omfg lor, it took me 30mins to write out and finish Qn.1!! I'm sure i did not write too much for it as our tutor always been saying our answer not good, not detailed enough or this and that. And i was rushing for my Qn.2, and i got a minor mistake for Qn.2 part (iii). I realise it when the invigilator announced 1min left, i scribble the whole thing n write the corrected one, but did not manage to complete it, damn!! luckily that question is only 3marks, over 50 though, which is a 6%, sigh.....is over anyway..damn it. My girl has started working for RBS(Royal Bank of Scottland), her office located near commonwealth mrt station, and so i met her for lunch today. Had long john silver, but i wasn't feeling very well. My tempreature was between 37 to 37.2 this 2days, was worried that i might be infected with H1N1. Walk with my girl to her work place, i left and kiss my girl goodbye at the lobby. Damn, the hot sun is killing me at that condition i was having. There is no shelter to the station, i was feeling so uncomfortable that moment. I fell asleep twice on the train- once on the train towards jurong east, another towards home. Felt better after a short nap, but i still sleep when i got home. I am feeling much better right now, can't wait to see my girl later. Left with last test for this MST week, which is statistic. After this week, will resume back to normal school time table. Gotta prepare to meet my babbbbby already......ciaos!! |
Leon Chok Zhi Quan 
24 as from 13 January 2009 I'm a Capricorn Attached to Ms. Foo Yi Juan Studying at Singapore Polytechnic 
Upgrade to water-cooling Evisu jeans Strike toto group1 Tattoo New PC desk New PC chair Mini sofa Overseas trip with yijuan GPA 3.5+ for Diploma 1st child with juan is a girl with O+ blood-type Marc Ecko Watch The Stubborn Girlfriend 
S.H.E.L.L.Y.S Hui Ling Hui Shan Junnie Cassandra SP Pricilia Nick Edwin Iskandar Dover Haikal Nicholas Xue Qing Edmund Henry Friends June Regine Hui hui May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 February 2010 March 2010 May 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 |